ARGHHHHH!
Very often I will give myself a letter grade on how I parented my children that day..... well, it is 8:30am and I already have a letter grade for myself today.....A BIG FAT EFFFFF!! Not just one "F" but about four of them!! ARGHHHHH!! You know, I thought my Christian walk was hard before kiddos but hindsight it was a breeze!! I died to my flesh in regards to alcohol and the party life. I crucified my flesh and walked away from anything that was not good to watch or read or listen to and it was hard but I knew this was what I was and am supposed to do to live the abundant life God has required for me to live! But now that I have children IT CHALLENGES MY CHRISTIAN WALK DAILY!! Yes, I realize I used all caps on that statement. For me, reacting to a situation comes naturally but as a wife and Mom who has given my life to Christ, He requires me to not react, He requires me to be slow to speak and slow to anger!! OUCH!! This is so hard for me! So when my 11 year old sticks a fork in the toaster to get his bread out while it is plugged into the electrical outlet I am not supposed to freak out BUT I DID!! The thing I have to remember is I did not raise him from birth. We have only had our older children for the past 3 years so we have not had 11 years to teach this over and over again(as my sweet Man reminds me). This is what I must remember. But it is not just the children we adopted that challenges me, my two year old that I birthed REALLY is challenging me right now! It just amazes me that something so small and so precious can make me REALLY GET ANGRY!! And all this happens at once of course!! Fork in the toaster, temper tantrum two-year old in the kitchen, 10 month old smells like he has poowoo in his diaper, and to add to this our six year old who is special needs decided that it was sooooooo funny to run around the house with her school shoes on (I don't allow this because I have a 10 month old that crawls on our floor and I have seen the kindergarten bathrooms so I know where those school shoes have been!), and on top of this I had to feed and dress them all because I had to bring my 16 year old to school within 30 minutes of all this! Anyway, this post was really for me to vent, for me to let it out! I did and it feels good!! And after all this is said I have to say that I LOVE MY CHILDREN!! I love my family! I love my life! Raising 8 children is the HARDEST thing I have ever done and I know My Man mirrors this thought but we both agree that this is what we were called to do! This is our life as crazy and as frustrating as it is sometimes and as much as we have areas that God is wanting us to change, it is filled with so much love and so many special memories!! I would not have it any other way! I told someone the other day, you know when you are in your calling when what you are called to do is hard and challenging! I AM IN MY CALLING!! lol
Thank you, Lord, that when I sin and fall short of Your glory that You, Holy Spirit, are there to correct me and discipline me! Thank you for Your word that has the answers I need to be a better parent! Thank you for Tommy who has so much Godly wisdom! Thank you for reminding me this morning that my words can cause death or life to my family! I repent for my anger this morning! I repent for any words or attitude I used or had that tore down my children! I pray you would take over my tongue so that I will bring forth life to my husband and my children!! I love you, Lord! In Jesus' name, Amen!!
3 comments:
Good morning Aimee! I discovered your blog through 5 minutes for mom . . . . I got up really early so I could have a few minutes of quiet time before my girls get up. I love visiting the blogs of other Christian moms, especially those who have this kind of wonderful adoption story. We also have adopted children . . . two beautiful daughters adopted from China, so I understand the journey. But, we have only adopted two, after raising eight bio children (four each from previous marriages) who are all grown up now. Our daughters, Gracie and Annie, are almost 7 and 5. Annie, our youngest, has mild CP so we have some challenges there, but kids are kids, and any mom who had a morning like yours would "freak out." So you don't deserve a "big fat F" on your mommy report card! Hope today goes well for you and your precious family. I'm so glad I found you and I was blessed by reading your story. We, too, have a heart for orphans, and would like to encourage other families to consider this option. Thanks so much for your ministry to orphans. Nina
Amy, I honestly pray daily "Lord help me not be a physco screaming mom today". Dean and the kids prays for me at nght before we go t bed to be self controlled and not wig out. I ave no problem admitting that because God does come through and He helps me every day BUT the minute I stop depending on Him for that strenth to kill the flesh, then I fall and became what I was raised to be, which is a screaming mad momma. I feel like God as shown me that it is me dieing to flesh, not reacting like my flesh wants to but it is also getting the daily bread from Him to be able to do that.
Don't beat yourself up. If I did that everytime I wigged out I'd be covered in bruises! He wants to help you parent. And you are a wonderful giving mom. Be enouraged!
All I can say is "bless you" for all you do and the love you have!!!!
Susan
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